Price Check on the Idiot on Till 3 Please

Some people really have no clue about technology. Even the most simple things confound them.

I was in my local branch of 'chav'DA yesterday evening after picking up my new gym membership card. I only had a few items in my basket so decided to use the self-checkout they recently introduced there. Now, I'm a veteran at these things - I use them whenever I can - at Tesco, Sainsbury etc. They save time, I don't have to talk to a surly checkout clerk who looks like they should still be in playschool and, I have to admit, it's kind of fun to play checkout girl for real.

But today, several people were obviously unclear on the concept. Honestly. Scan item, place in bag. Scan next item, place in bag. Lather, rinse, repeat. The computer even tells you what to do in a polite English accent.

That might be the problem. Maybe it should be a bit more forceful and say things like "point the barcode at the red-laser thingie you moron", in a really loud voice so everyone can hear you.

If you get it wrong three times, a siren should go off, and the screen should read "Sorry, it appears you are unable to correctly press a button in an elevator, let alone use our made-for-idiots software! Please jump under the nearest bus on your way out."

So after what seemed like an hour of rolling my eyes and 'tutting' under my breath (I'm so British now), it's my turn. I stroll confidently towards the checkout thinking, I'll show these technologically challenged people how it's done.

I scan my freshly made pizza - "Please scan your item BEOFRE you placed it in the bag". Ooops. Maybe I went too fast. I forgot the sort of clientelle they normally market towards in that shop. I scan it again and place it in the bag. Hurrah.

I scan in my Special K Red Berries. "Item not recognized". I try again. Same thing. Grrr. Luckily there's someone there running the whole thing and can bypass my till from hers. So she does....after every single item I scan. Of course, now I'm swearing under my breath, and then utter F*CK after the third time I try to swipe my Visa card.

What should have been a stress free checkout is now hell with everyone looking at me thinking I'm one of those people I mentioned earlier. But I'm in IT I think to myself...I know what to do - I could reprogramme these things to charge me a penny for everything I scan dammit.

I finally pay and get my receipt. I notice the self scan till two along from me is out of order. The screen is very clearly broken, and I don't mean a scratch or crack. The pattern of the breakage can only suggest someone got very fed up and slammed their tin of baked beans into it.

I know how they feel.

Four Weeks and Counting!

Four weeks on Friday I'll be hitched. I'll have the old ball and chain tied to my ankle. I'll officially have 'an other half'. I can't believe it's almost here.

It's all becoming more and more real as time goes by, especially since our gift list at John Lewis is open and people have bought things already! We got 'stuff' woo hoo! Of course, the wedding isn't about presents, but they certainly don't hurt either now, do they?

All but two people have replied now, but I still couldn't believe how much 'chasing up' we had to do to get people to give us an answer. It's annoying - do they think weddings just magically happen? Maybe the think the 'wedding fairy' waves her magic wand or something.

Well, we have our own wedding fairy in the form of my Mom and Dad - there's no way in hell's bathroom (sorry, I heard that line on 'Everyone Loves Raymond' the other day and it made me laugh) that we could pull off this whole shindig without them.

It is stressful being thousands of miles away however and not being able to be directly involved, but it's the best we can do and I know it will be ok on the day.

The hotel - The Laurel Point Inn looks lovely and is in the picture above. Oh, we would like to thank them for changing the menus and uping the price by five bucks a head. Grrr. Still, it's too late now to do anything about it, but the food should be fabulous.

Not only is this taking place, but two days later, my parents are having a party at their home for everyone. I can imagine my Mom's house is filled with lists upon lists. And lists to make lists about making lists. And more lists after that. She is so organised, it's amazing.

On the London side, we're planning a reception here in July for all our UK friends and family. Many will have been to the wedding as well, but this is more about those who were not able to make it, or those that we didn't invite to the wedding for one reason or another.

I found out last night my parents will be coming to London for that party, so not only will be sorting that out, but getting the house in order to pass my mom's white glove test! OK, she's not that bad at all, but I want the place to look perfect. I really am my mother's son in that way. I think I get the 'stress' factor from my Dad and my maternal grandmother.

Genes...who'd have 'em eh?

But all in all, it will be a good few days...I hope!