On All Fours...

I got sent this by my friend Andrew in Paris awhile ago, but only just remembered, so as I've been 'tagged', here's my replies...I've added a couple more 'four's' as I was on a roll, no doubt I've broken all sorts of unwritten blog / meme rules...

Four places you have lived:

1. Victoria BC, Canada
2. West Hampstead, London England
3. Kensington, London England
4. Harley Street, London England
Now I live in Leytonstone - how the mightly have fallen! But hey, at least I own the place!!

Four TV shows you love to watch:
This changes all the time depending on what series are running, but currently:

1. Battlestar Galactica (the new series)
2. Desperate Housewives
3. The Sopranos
4. The Joy of Painting (no, really!)

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
4. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (quelle surprise!)

Four places you have been on vacation:

1. Austria (Vienna, Salzburg)
2. France (Calais, Paris, Nice)
3. Italy (Tuscay, Pisa, Florence)
4. Ireland (Dublin, many many times!)

Four places I'd like to visit:

1. Australia
2. New Zealand
3. Machu Pichu
4. Greece

Four websites I visit daily:

1. www.ctv.ca - for Canadian news
2. www.bbc.co.uk - for English news
3. www.scott-o-rama.com - a fave blog
4. www.outeverywhere.com - always on it

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Chocolate (its a food dammit!)
2. My mom's meatloaf
3. Steak
4. Pasta (especially with lots of parmesan!)

Four things I hate:

1. Bananas
2. Spiders
3. Inconsiderate people on the underground
4. People who play music on the speaker of the mobile.

Four jobs I've had:

1. Selling pottery at our neighbours home/shop across the street from my childhood home.
2. Sales clerk at Eaton's - Cameras and Computers Deptartment
3. Office Assistant - Student Loans, BC Government
4. IT Support - Canadian Government

Four jobs I'd like to have:

1. Radio DJ, morning or drive time show.
2. Pub Owner (think kid in a candy store!)
3. Falcon recruiter (if you don't know...)
4. Comedy writer

Four pieces of music that make me 'shiver'

1. Rhapsody in Blue - George Gershwin
2. Gymnopédies.No.1 - Eric Satie
3. Bolero - Maurice Ravel
4. Bring Him Home - from Les Miserables

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. At the lottery office picking up my check for 10 million pounds
2. Water boy for the Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue shoot
3. On a tropical island, on a lounger, B&C in one hand, G&T in the other!
4. On the QE2, on a lounger, B&C in one hand, G&T in the other!

"Blak" is the new black?

I've been considering starting a list of 'things I hate', and adding to it from time to time. I've not done it yet, however, I have discovered two things I hate this week.

1. Stripping wallpaper from the ceiling. Fairly self-explanatory I should think. Steamer burns, wallpaper sticky, scraper's wrist, arms wanting to fall off at the shoulders. I spent four hours doing the kitchen yesterday. It should be outlawed, period.

2. Coca-Cola "Blak". I tried this new drink in Paris last week with my friend Andrew. We saw a poster in one of the patisseries and thought we'd give it a try. Apparently its being launched in France first, then being rolled out to the rest of the world. Lucky France.

It came in a tin similar to Red Bull (picture on the right is the only one Google could find, it's what the US product looks like), so thought it must be an 'energy drink'. Well, yes and no. Its coffee-flavoured Coke. Yes, coffee. Or as the press release would have you believe "a blend of unique Coke refreshment with the true essence of coffee for a blah blah blah...".

It seems that the world's biggest beverage company isn't happy with having the biggest share of the carbonated beverage market, they are taking on the likes of Starbucks and energy drinks too.

Well, I have three words to describe the taste of their latest venture.

It is shit.

I used to be a Coke purist, but switched to Diet Coke years ago (not sure if the artificial sweetners do more damage than sugar...). Used to be Cherry Coke was the only other 'flavour'. Then came Lemon, Vanilla and Lime. Lemon tastes 'fake', Lime is ok, and Vanilla is actually pretty good, especially with a double shot of white rum.

But coffee flavour? Have they been sniffing glue or something? It smells rank, tastes horrible and leaves a disgusting aftertaste. Besides, doesn't Coke have enough caffeine in it without adding coffee?

Avoid it at all costs.

I Spring The Body Electric...

March 21 - The First Day of Spring. Is it bollocks!

Its been so freakin' cold in London lately - the only sign of spring I can see are a few daffodils poking up in the flower bed in the back of my garden. I swear my morning G&T got a thin layer of ice on it when I was looking at said daffs.

I certainly hope things change soon. I don't think the removable lining in my coat has been used so much this past winter. Here I am trying to lose weight and this stupid lining makes me look and feel like the Michelin man. But then I guess I was always meant to be built for comfort, not for speed!

Was in Paris last week, got back Sunday night so I'm currently 'back-blogging' to keep the date and context in order.

Did a few entries today whilst Mr.Sparky fiddled with my electrics. Gawd, there's so much to know about stuff like that. Especially when they tell you, oh, this swanky new light switch you paid the earth for, won't fit into your wall. Apparently they come in two depths - 16mm and 25mm. Who the bloody hell came up with that decision? A committee probably.

At least I was able to return the unused switches AND I still keep the loyalty points from the original purchase - so its not a total loss. That will teach Homebase to a: never have the right things in stock, and b: sell light bulbs brighter than most of their sales staff.

Oh, and don't even get me started on wattage and double dimmer switches. Its enough to make you want rip out your fuse box and dig out the candles.

Good thing I buy a big bag of tea lights on my weekly trip to Ikea.

Slobbing in Paris

Sunday. We got up quite late after much needed sleep. All this walking and fresh air is doing us in! We packed up our stuff and just relaxed in the flat for a while. It was nice to have a bit of a lazy day, esp. for me as I'd been there two days longer than Scooter.

The four of us wandered up to the Marais for late lunch at Pizza San Antonio. We had a bit of a wander around the area after that, not forgetting to visit a patisserie and pick up some vennoise chocolat to take home with us. Well, we needed some sort of souvenir and its better than a mini Effiel Tower!

Walked back to the flat, chatted for a bit, then said our goodbyes and headed off to Gare Du Nord to catch the 2042 train home. Well, it was meant to leave at that time, but due to problems on the track along the line we left almost an hour late. To make matters worse, we only got one bread roll with dinner and one bottle of wine. Honestly, standards are slipping!

Rolled into Waterloo not long before midnight. We were unsure if we'd make the last tube, so we treated ourselves to a cab home.

Scooter and I both decided that we'd love to go back there again in the near future. Andrew has an annual Disney pass that expires in April 2008. Although he's moving back to the UK in June/July, I'm sure we can convince him to use the pass at least one more time before it runs out! There's a new Buzz Lightyear attraction opening in Disney next month, so we have to see that, and of course, I have to make up for the forgotten Indianan Jones ride on Thursday.

All in all, a lovely trip which left us wanting to return again soon.

What IS He Thinking?

Saturday. Our plan was to visit the Musée d'Orsay, the other big art museum in Paris. Its collection starts where The Louvre finishes.

As per the previous morning, we went to Paul for breakfast, and in addition to what we had yesterday, we each got a lovely quiche lorraine as well. However, the "vache stupide" at the shop only gave us one vennoise chocolat. Quelle horreur! Oh well, we were halfway to the museum when we realised, so didn't bother going back.

We arrived at the museum to find a huge bloody queue outside and it was half as long again on the inside. Merde! It was such a cold and windy day we decided to give it a miss rather than stand outside for a couple of hours, but took some pictures of the statues outside. We found out later in the day we could have got a three day Paris Museum Pass that avoids all those queues. Zut alors! So that will be a must for our next visit.

So, we pulled out our guide book to see what else was in the area. Scott found the Rodin Museum not far away, were we would be able to see The Thinker and The Kiss along with lots of other of his works.

Well, I'm so glad we went there instead! The museum is set on the grounds of Rodin's home and there's a lovely garden with many of his sculptures dotted around the grounds. It is well worth a visit - the garden is an oasis of calm in such a bustling city and the sculptures are thoughtfully placed. Scooter went nuts with the camera and took some lovely, well composed pictures.

Of course, we saw The Thinker - or "Le Penseur" which is perched upon a plinth about 15 feet high. Deep in thought, probably thinking "how do I get down from here" or "I wish those pigeons would stop crapping on my head". It is the orginal as well, there have been many casts send around the world, but this is the real thing.

After seeing everything in the garden including the magnificent Gates of Hell, we had our lunch, then wandered inside the museum where there's even more scultures, and studies, including the Kiss, which is beautiful. Its not the first time I've seen it however, it paid a vist to the Tate Britain some years ago. There's a number of paintings in the museum as well including some Monets as well.

I cannot recommend a visit to this museum highly enough. Scooter has just told me that there's a major Rodin exhibition coming to London's Royal Academy of the Arts later this year! How annoying....but I suppose we had the better experience seeing them in Paris without the giant crowds that are sure to flock to London for this show.

Afterwards, we went back to the flat, met up with Andrew and the three of us went to the Moose Bar as Andrew was keen to sample his first poutine. So all three of us ordered one with a pint (well, a half litre - France is metric after all) to wash it all down. It was really good too and Andrew agreed.

We had forgotten the last few matches of the Six Nations Rugby was on, and the pub was packed. We couldn't really see the telly that well, so decided to try a couple of other English pubs, but they were all packed as well. Luckily Andrew knew of The Highlander - a Scottish themed pub a short walk away. So glad we went there, it wasn't too busy, so we put our butts on our stools and watched two matches with the customers there and proceeded to get rather tipsy in the process. The bartender was Irish and was wearing a kilt and face paint - was quite a laugh.

After the matches, we left, and went out for dinner with Ash. I wasn't too hungry to start as we'd eaten our poutine quite late in the day, but I was certainly hungry by the time mine and Scooter's food arrived - they had forgotten our order. So Ash and Andrew were finished by the time we got our dinner. The waiter however, was extremely apologetic and gave us all a free glass of wine, so at least that's something.

We treated them to dinner for putting us up, then went to the Marais for a few drinks.

The visit to the Rodin Museum will stay with me as one of my favourite days out for a very long time.

Yes, But Is It Art?

On Friday, Scooter and I paid a visit to The Louvre. We stopped in at Paul for a bit of breakfast - got a 'vennoise chocolat' - a kind of sweet half baguette studded with chocolate chips. Yum! Also got a ham and cheese baguette and a drink for lunch.

We took a leisurely walk, crossed over The Seine and arrived at the Louvre around noon. Luckily despite the hoards of tourists and screaming children (shouldn't they be in school?) it didn't take too long to queue up and get our tickets.

If I could say one bad thing about The Louvre, it would be: "It is too damn big". There's no way anyone could see everything on display in one day, not even if you were on rollerskates.

As I had been there about 13 years ago with my sister, I let Scott determine where we would go. I did make sure that we saw the three big things:

1. The Mona Lisa (which is lovely, although it is smaller than you'd think). Have a look at the link - on Wikipedia - loads of information on the painting, for example, its also known as "La Jaconde" which translates to "Lighthearted Woman".

2. Winged Victory of Samothrace which is just amazing and beautifully placed on the mezzanine of the Daru staircase. Its one of my favourite statues in the world. I will never forget seeing it 13 years ago and was just as awestuck today as then. Although the head and arms are missing (one hand is displayed near it), I think it gives the piece a more haunting feel.

3. The Venus De Milo which is probably one of the most famous statues in the world.

Of course we saw loads of other artwork as well. The Louvre doesn't just contain paintings either, but sculpture, carvings, and just about everything else you can think of.

The thing that strikes me about The Louvre is you could remove every single work and the building would still be worth a visit. Not least for the sheer size, but for the intricate architecture, from the modern glass pyramid at the main entrance to the stunning ceilings in many of the galleries. In many rooms, you'd think by the ceiling you were inside a cathedral.

So if you ever go in The Louvre, don't forget to look up each time you enter a room, you'll be glad you did!

After spending many hours inside we were worn out. All that culture was hurting our brains and it was getting to the point where we were saying "oh look, another painting of Christ, or look another painting of a naked women", so we took that as our cue to leave. I reckon we saw about one third, give or take, so that's pretty good. And of course it just means we have to visit Paris again - like you ever need an excuse to visit Paris!

We went back to Ash & Andrews and rested up for a bit as we were all going out to dinner at one of their favourite restaurants (and ours!), Fernand, just around the corner from their place. We went there last May so made sure we went again, esp. as it was much closer this time. Scooter and I both had fantastic steaks and mui-cui's for dessert - think of a half baked chocolate pudding, all gooey inside. Heaven I tell you.

We were suitably stuffed, Ash went home, and the three of us decided we needed a long walk to work off dinner. We headed into the Marais for a couple of drinks and then walked back home.

A lovely day.

Son Un Petit Monde Après Tous*

For a country that isn't terribly fond of America, it does seem rather strange to have the ultimate American attraction, Disneyland, on the outskirts of Paris. Not that I'm complaining you understand. I love theme parks. From the hokey little rides to the pee-in-your-pants rollercoasters.

So on Thursday, Andew and I took the RER out to Disney. Lucky for me he has an annual pass so I got a discounted price. Yay! Had a bit of lunch in an American style diner first as it was just after noon. Then went into Disney Studios first and learned about how some of the animation is done - the show was a bit 'naff', but at least the presenter was cute! Once our food had settled, we went on to the Rock 'n Rollercoaster. I love that one (was there in May last year too!). You go from zero to I dunno, million miles an hour, in just a few seconds - leaving your stomach (and perhaps its contents) far far behind. Its all in the cover of darkness, flashing lights, twists, turns, and ear splitting Aerosmith music.

We did it again an hour later once we could walk in a straight line again.

Headed over to Disneyland proper and did the main rides there, Star Tours (C3PO just doesn't sound the same talking French!), Space Moutain, Pirates of the Carribean, Thunder Mountain, Haunted House etc. and had a blast. It wasn't until we were on the train back that I realised we'd missed going on the Indiana Jones Coaster. Merde! Oh, and I also searched through almost every shop in Disney for an orange t-shirt for my little niece on the orders my mom - apparently my niece has a thing about orange. Whatever happend to pink for girls? I did find a kind of orange t-shirt - hopefully she won't notice.

We were back in Paris by 7pm or so and had dinner at the flat - Ash, his partner, joined us, and we played cards whilst waiting for my Scooter to arrive from London. Well, his train was due to arrive in Paris by 2o30 or so, but by 11pm, not heard a thing. He had been told to do the same as me and text me three stations before and I'd meet him there.

By the time I was getting really concerned, their doorbell went and it was Scooter! yay!

Turns out his phone, which has 'roaming' enabled, decided not to pick up on any French mobile network. So he was kind of stuck. Luckily he was able to figure out the map and ask directions in French and made it one piece. I was really proud of him! His mobile is on ORANGE by the way (bit of free bad pub. there for them!).

Played a bit of cards, then went out for a drink around midnight....decided we were bushed (well, I was tired, and that's all that matters!) and came back after just the one.

The Louvre beckoned the following day.

*Son Un Petit Monde Après Tous = Its A Small World After All

"Marys" getting merry in The Marais

Day Two: Got up a bit late but still before noon, so that's not bad! Woke Andrew, said, its 11am, he said "so much for breakfast!" I suggested pizza and wine in the Marais district.

So that's what we did. We got showered, made ourselves look fabulous (took all of five mins.) and walked towards the Marais. Crossed the Seine, passed Notre Dame (which has been cleaned on the front. It looks nice, but has lost the 'old' feel I think).

We sat down at Pizza San Antonio and immediately got a litre of house white. Pizzas arrived soon after and were consumed with gusto. Headed deep into the Marais, sat outside the Open Bar and waited for 'les beau mecs'. But after one glass of wine, there was zero 'bonbons des yeux' so we went to Cafe Okawa - a Quebec themed bar just down the road. Had a bottle of wine there, then met up with Andrew's friend Tim who'd just got back from New York.

We had several more drinks at Le Mixer, Tim left to sleep, and Andrew and I went for a bite to eat - had a lovely carbonnara with an egg on top. Yum!

It gets a bit fuzzy after that I must admit. I know that we ended up at Le Depot until about midnight / 1am, then went home to sleep and recharge for the following day.

How to avoid Parisians whilst getting drunk.

I'm at work and am already counting the minutes until I escape not only the office but the country courtesy of the Eurostar direct to Paris!

The day drags on. The extended coffee breaks and long lunch aren't helping. And people keep calling the helpline. I mean, don't they know I'm already in 'Paris mode' and don't give a 'merde' about their problems? *sigh* such is the life of a government worker.

But never mind, I'm soon enough on the 1848 Eurostar (by First Class, of course) direct to Paris. I sit down, remind the waitress (oh, sorry train attendant) those in 'Standard Class' shouldn't a: be breathing my first class air, and b: even remotely looking in my direction.

I'm served some chamapange in a glass far too small for my liking (think "My First Champagne" a la "My First Sony"), switch on my mp3's and switch off my brain for a few hours. Two bread rolls, two bottles of wine, one moussaka and three hours later I'm in Gare Du Nord. Formidable!

I'm meeting my friend Andrew at the Saint Germain Des Pres Metro, so I text him three stations before (god help us if/when mobiles work on the London underground!) and he's there shortly after I arrive.

We take a short walk to his place, drop off my Loius Vuitton baggage and immerse ourselves into Parisian culture by heading straight to a Canadian themed bar, namely The Moose. (The website is 'Flash' overkill, so be warned). We had a few pints there, then continued our Parisian experience at the Coolin, an Irish bar quite literally across the road from Andrew's place. How extremely convenience. I met Siobhan, a Dublin girl who works there and she presented us with two wigs and giant Guiness shaped hats for their St. Patrick's Night in three days time.

Two more drinks and its time to go home - it was almost 2am after all.

Other than the disinterested man who sold me my 'carnet' on the Metro, I don't think I spoke to a single native Parisian the entire night.

So, holiday off to a good start then!

Gay Paris!

Every weekday I arrive at Bond Street Station I exit through the West One Shopping Complex on the way to the office. It struck me today how lazy people are when it comes to using doors. There are four in the exit I use. Sometimes one is left open and I'm amazed how so many people will drift towards that door, even if there's a big queue. I mean, how difficult is it to go and open a door yourself and walk through? Do all these people have an inherent fear of opening doors? Do they suffer from 'porteophia' or something? OK, so porteophobia isn't a word, but I can't find any proper phobia 'name' to describe it, so I made it up. I'm so clever. You see, 'porte' is french for door, and phobia, well, is phobia.

Anyway, I'm off to Paris tomorrow night!! Taking the Eurostar - First Class, sweetie darling, and having a few days with my friend, then Scooter will join us for the last few days! The plan is to do some shopping, visit Disneyland and then hit the Louvre and Orsay galleries.

Oh, and drink much wine and stuff my face with French pastries.

Salut!

Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter!

Last night, myself and thirty or so gay men and a lesbian couple all went ten-pin bowling. It was a social evening for our rugby club, the Kings Cross Steelers. I'd not been ten-pin bowling for about two years. We had such a laugh, despite the lanes being right in the middle of Chav Central. OK, I didn't see too many Burberry (faux or otherwise) hats and the like, but the people there certainly looked like the bargain bin at Matalan had thrown up on them.

Being so far out of practice, I only managed 113 and 102 as scores. Lots of money shots 'on the money shots', but had serveral nasty splits and just could not convert my spares. Oh, and Scooter beat me in both games. At least shoes were comfy and you could bring your pint of booze right into the lane area!

Bowling alleys have a special place in my heart. No, really, they do.

I grew up spending a great deal of my youth at my local five-pin bowling alley in Victoria, 'Town & Country Lanes'. I was in a league from the time I was four or five until I moved to London when I was 22.

I came by it quite naturally however, as my grandfather founded the "Friday Niters" bowling league at Town and Country Lanes many years ago. My parents bowled in it too for a number of years, and had I still been in Canada I would have continued the tradition.

I would spend hours in the place, not just during my Saturday youth league, but also on Fridays with my parents and grandparents. Sometimes I would be a 'spare' when a team member wasn't there, or I'd help them collect the score sheets and money when they would hold position as league officers. I can remember going over all the sheets with them looking for errors, adding up totals and calculating averages.

I was really into it. I guess, never being much of a 'jock' at school, it the only sport I was really good at. I had many trophies, took part in tournaments in the city and province wide as well. My bedroom was full of bowling themed stuff too. I was a real bowling nerd.

I knew all the staff at the lanes too. I remember thinking the best job in the world at the time would be 'Bowling Alley Manager' - then I could go bowling for free any time I wanted! I had several sets of plastic bowling pins at home and would construct elaborate setups and ball returns in the basement. I even managed to collect a few real bowling pins as well (I have two of them with me in London now, one five and one ten) Of course, trying to knock them down with a thin plastic ball would normally result in the ball flying off in the opposite direction whilst the pin would just wobble slightly. Never mind, it kept me out of trouble!

Unfortunately, five-pin is unique to Canada - you won't find the variation anywhere else in the world. So having spent over 15 years in England, I always ensure I get a few games in when I visit Canada. When I explain five-pin to my British friends I am confronted with puzzled expressions and more often than not, simply asked 'but why?'. I then say I could tell them why and blabber on about the the founder, Tommy Ryan, the history of the game, the scoring system (which is different than ten pin, by the way) and they lose all interest. Fair enough, I suppose, no doubt I give off the same reaction when a British person tries to explain the game of cricket.

I last bowled five-pin in September when visiting my family in Victoria with Scooter. I learned the lanes may close down for good in a year or so. That would be a real shame. My first home was flattened a little over a year ago to make way for condos, (not more than 100 yards from the lanes!) now another significant piece of my youth may vanish. In fact, the only ten-pin lane in Victoria may close as well. Victoria has quite a large retired population and a large number of them bowl to keep active. I bet they are devastated.

But you can't keep things the same I guess. All I know is that when I win my huge lottery jackpot, one of the first things that will go into my new home will be a bowling alley.

I mean, I have bowling shirt and everything, so I'm more than ready.

Brokeback Mountain Happy Meal

There's been loads of publicity generated from the movie Brokeback Mountain since the day it opened, and this Sunday, I hope, it will be rewarded with a few Oscars, hopefully for Best Film at the very least, and mabye a few other categories as well. I know I'd certain like to give one to Jake Gyllenhaal...an Oscar, that is! Oh who am I kidding, I'd be quite happy to spend a few days in the mountains, in a tent, in with Jake.

Anyway, with something this popular, there's going to be lots of spoofs and piss-takes, and indeed there have been a number of them winging their way across the internet, using up bandwidth in offices around the globe. My personal favourite, however has to be the Macdonald's Brokeback Mountain Happy Meal. You can view this paraody here. Its more or less work safe, a bit rude, but sadly there's no naughty bits on show. But it is very funny and very well done.

Just imagine the face of the spotty teenager's face serving you, when you ask for a Brokeback Mountain Happy Meal with extra special sauce for your Big Mac.

Good To Be. Great To Have.

For some weeks now, there's been a van parking on my street (yes, its my street, the neighbours just don't realise this yet). The livery on the outside of the van advertises asbestos removal and demolition. Not very exciting, but a necessary job. However I always smile a little whenever I see this van, and if you've looked at the picture you'll know why. If that's the family name of the business, I bet they got some ribbing at school.

It struck me that 'Gaywood' is a brilliant name for a porn studio! So, before anyone else thinks of it, I hereby declare my interest in that name. I've even got a slogan - every good company needs a slogan and here it is.....*drumroll*....Gaywood: Good To Be. Great To Have!

Watch out for this logo coming to a shop of questionable taste near you:



Falcon, Belami etc better watch out. Now to line up some auditions!