Everyone Wants To Be Gay

July 1 2006 - It's Europride! Woo hoo! Half a million gays, lesbians, bisexuals, tranvestites, transgenders, transexuals, intersexeds, those who like the colour pinks, people who like musiclas, fans of Barbara Streisand, Liza Minelli and Judy Garland, people with gay friends, gay parents with gay children, straight people with gay pets and lots of bemused tourists all lined up along the length of Oxford and Regent Street, down Piccadilly, Haymarket and Whitehall to watch the Europride Parade.

For one day, London was the gay centre of Europe. Well, it is anyway, but we don't normally get to mince down the middle of the road in tight shorts and no shirt...unless you're in Soho of course.

And what fun it was too. Mother Nature was extremely good to us this year and provided lots of sunshine. Cue lots of shirtless men showing off their hard work at the gym all year. Cue even more shirtless men showing off their hard work in the pubs all year! Still, not everyone appreciates the rippling muscles of those gym bunnies...others like those built for comfort, not for speed.

But I digress. I was feeling somewhat delicate that morning. It could be something to do with the large amount of booze I consumed in Trafalgar Square the previous day, but I'm not really sure. Scooter and I met a group of friends for breakfast in Soho around 11am at Cafe Boheme. They do a nice fry up and those thoughtful people include black pudding too! Yum! Luckily Scooter hates the stuff, so I get to eat his too! Double yum!

I'm still feeling a bit woozy, so we head off to the pub for a pint before the parade starts. Good thing too - I felt soooo much better. A bit of the 'auld hair of the dog' does wonders.

We picked a nice shady spot on the curve of Regent Street. That lasted all of five minutes when we realised that we'd get a better view across the street. In full sun too. I didn't fancy spending all that time standing in the sun, but then, I thought, how selfish of me. By doing so, I would allow all those people to see ME much better than they would in the shade. I like to do my bit for the community you know.

And before you could say 'I don't think were in Kansas anymore Toto', the parade began.

Its truly amazing to see all the different community groups with a gay focus to them. Its also great to see organisations like the Metropolitain Police and the Royal Navy allowing their gay and lesbian members march as one in the parade in uniform. They got lots of cheers, as did the fireman, and of course we gave the Kings Cross Steelers a big one as well...and a cheer as well. Tee hee.

Saw some fantastic costumes, some great drag queens, some not so great ones, and some things that made you say 'what the fuck is that'? But hey, that's the whole point of the day, celebrating diversity and not being afraid to say, 'this is who I am' whether you like it or not, and I'm NOT going to hide it anymore!

And of course, MOST importantly, it's a chance to ogle hot men non-stop all day and not worry about getting caught because everyone else is doing it!

Now, if you're straight (or homosexually-challenged as I like to call it), you might think you're missing out on all the fun. Well, I got news for you. You ARE!

You've been watching Ellen, Will and Grace, The L Word, and Queer As Folk and they are having much more fun than than their 'hettie' friends. Well, maybe Ellen wasn't having that much fun but you know what I mean. Then Brokeback Mountain came along...jeez, even the cowboys in the fifties were getting it on. If only all cowboys looked like Jake! *swoon*

OK, so you don't have to be a big mincing queen or bolshy dyke to know how to have fun, but the thing is we do it with style, flair and panache (and other flouncing sounding French words). And at the end of the day, we don't have to grovel to our spouses, because chances are they are right there beside us having just as much fun rather than working late or tending the house (hey, that's what staff are for honey!).

There's been a noticable shift recently towards all things 'gay', even in the TV commercials - ever seen that Impulse ad where the guy ignores the nice smelling girl to go back to his boyfriend?

So, with all this in mind, I present to you, dearest reader a little ditty I composed recently. I have it in mind that Kylie or Madonna would be singing it at Wembly Stadium with about 50 scantily clad adonises as backing dancers.

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE GAY!

Is it me or am I a bore,
But is the world
A bit more queer
Than before?

There's more girls loving girls
And more boys loving boys,
Same sex weddings
And same sex joys.

Run out of the closet,
Be quick, don't delay,
Tell everyone, everywhere
"I want to be GAY!"

There's gays on the stage,
Armed Forces, more bent!
We're out on the commons,
Both Clapham, and parliament!

Coming out now?
Not such a stink
If that pound you spend
Happens to be pink.

Hallejuah! Hallejuah!
Oh Happy Day!
Everyone, Everywhere
Wants to be GAY!

There's gays on the telly
Will & Grace, Six Feet Under,
Brookie and Corrie,
Stealing straights' thunder!

There's gays in movies
Heath bends like a willow
Giving into his lust
While Jake bites the pillow.

Run out of the closet,
Be quick, don't delay,
Tell everyone, everywhere
"I want to be GAY!"

Hallejuah! Hallejuah!
Oh Happy Day!
Everyone, Everywhere
Wants to be GAY!